Why we’re not finding out the sex of our baby

Why we’re not finding out the sex of our baby

It’s one of the very first questions you get asked when people find out you’re expecting.

“Do you know what you’re having?”

Young, old, family, not family, there are no discrepancies. Everybody wants to know what this little bump is going to be.

With our first pregnancy, my husband was desperate to find out. I think he was struggling with imagining us actually having a baby, and needed to pin his expectations on something. I managed to talk him round, and we had a surprise. At the birth, he was the one that told me we had a little boy, and it was amazing. That euphoric feeling after giving birth heightened with finding out who this little person was, it was like nothing else.

After that, we knew we wouldn’t find out our baby’s sex in any subsequent pregnancies. Fast forward two years, and our daughter came (very swiftly) into the world, this time, I caught her as she came up out of the birthing pool, and couldn’t help but have a quick glance to see this new member of our family. A girl! We were elated, and felt so fortunate to have the opportunity of having ‘one of each’, as people say. Her birth story is here, for anyone that fancies a read.

Fast forward (again!), around 18 months later, and here we are, 20 weeks pregnant. Half way. There wasn’t much deliberation this time, over our decision to find out or not. It would have felt odd, finding out after not doing with our previous two. Even so, I have still had plenty question our decision, not always understanding our reasons.

I’ve put together the top 5 reasons we’re keeping this baby’s sex a surprise. Before I start, I have no problem whatsoever with those that like to find out whilst pregnant. I can’t say I haven’t been tempted with each pregnancy. I love gender reveals, and totally get why some will choose to know what their little bundle is going to be. But, for those on the fence, here are some points on why having a surprise could work well for you:

1.Nice to have a surprise!

I’ve had it said to me a lot recently, but it really is true, there are no more surprises in life (not any nice ones anyway!)

As a generation, we’re so used to being able to tap into any information we need in an instant (thanks Google!). For once, it’s refreshing to actually not be in total control and give ourselves a surprise. We’re so fortunate now to be able to have checks that mean we (usually) know that baby is going to be healthy, which of course is really the most important fact. Not finding out means we get to practice being patient (definitely a good trait to improve on in preparation for having babies and toddlers!)

2. It annoys people.

This may sound a bit of a strange one, and I don’t mean to sound obnoxious, but people can get quite frustrated with the fact we haven’t found out. I love being a bit rebellious (ok I’m too boring to be rebellious), going against the grain, not going with the norm. It is so expected now that you will find out whether you are having a boy or a girl, almost a given. Not going along with that trend can feel a little liberating.

3. I quite like having a reason to be unprepared

I’m not the most organised person (massive understatement), so I’m definitely not the sort who are desperate to get the baby’s nursery all decorated and filled before their arrival. Our poor daughter only ever had a cot in the spare room, haha! So I love having this excuse that we don’t know what baby is yet, so we’re going to wait before we decorate/buy heaps of clothes/decide on a name.

4. It’s nice being able to tell people once baby is born.

As much as I am so so excited when a friend has a baby, there’s not quite the added excitement there if you already know if baby is a boy or a girl. Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing to be able to find out baby’s name, weight etc, but that anticipation of not knowing what baby is going to be really is something extra. All that guessing in pregnancy is finally up, and you are able to reveal this new bundle of joy!

5. You get to choose clothes after baby is born.

Especially after my daughter was born, it was so novel to be able to go and buy clothes for her after she had arrived. Of course, we had bought a few neutral items in the pregnancy, but now she was here, I knew her, knew her size, and loved being able to pick some things out for her to wear.


So, if you’re on the fence, I would always say, try and not cave in, leave it a surprise! Of course the most important thing is having a happy, healthy baby, something that the 20 week scan always reminds me. Once I hear those words, ‘Your baby looks healthy and is doing well’,  I’m reminded of the real joy of having a baby.

Has anyone else never found out? Or have you always wanted to know? Anybody find out but it wasn’t accurate? I love those stories!

7 thoughts on “Why we’re not finding out the sex of our baby

  1. I love your reasons for not finding out! We didn’t find out with our little boy and the moment where my husband told me we had a boy was so special! I’m pretty certain we will do the same thing with future children too ☺️

  2. I totally wanted to find out with my daughter. But I really understand why people don’t. It must be so overwhelming and beautiful to be told at the birth. I think it was enough of a surprise I was capable of birthing a child – never mind boy or girl!
    Happy half way in your pregnancy! Xx

  3. We’re not finding out (this is our first baby). I obviously understand why some people do want to know but I’ve loved the anticipation. And it’s made me focus on the most important thing: having a healthy baby. At each scan and check up that’s all I’ve focused on. And it’s stopped me from going overboard buying loads of clothes for them! I’ve literally got a few essentials and will wait until the baby arrives to start buying clothes 🙂

    1. Ah you seem so on my wavelength! I’m glad you’re enjoying the anticipation, it’s a real incentive to want to meet your baby isn’t it, makes it all the more exciting! Thanks for reading x

  4. I absolutely LOVE the reasons for not finding out. Especially the “annoys people” bit! We didn’t find out! We had zero interest and people just could NOT understand it at all! One woman…a random woman serving in a shop I’ll add. Someone I have NEVER met before was so OUTRAGED that I didn’t know my babies gender and that she couldn’t know! It was completely ridiculous!

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